Wondering what all the fuss over spanking, handcuffs and whips is about? Can’t understand how so many grown men (and women) like being told that they’re dirty little people and need to be punished? BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism or Slave and Master) is a whole ‘nother sexual world quite removed from the vanilla missionary positions that most of us enjoy on a regular basis. Want to start venturing to the very pleasurable dark side with BDSM-oriented sex toys and role play? Here’s a beginner’s guide.
Want to Start Slow?
There are plenty of ways to incorporate slightly kinky practices into your bedroom routine without the intimidation of big black sex toy whips and gimp masks! Start off by:
- Tying up your partner with a pair of pantyhose or a scarf
- Blindfolding them
- Teasing them… bringing them to the brink of explosion then holding off stimulation
- Trying some mildly kinky costumes (spike heels, crotchless panties, leather strappy outfits, etc)
It’s All About Control
BDSM play is not necessarily about pain… you can use a vibrator as your sex toy prop just as well as a whip or nipple clamps. The real marker of BDSM play is about control, often domination and submission.
A good practice is to alternate roles with your partner – first you dominate, then give them a turn in the boss’s seat. Or, if one of you has quite a controlling or dominating job in ordinary life, swap roles for your bedroom play.
At it’s best, BDSM play can also take you to personal and sexual heights that you’ve never imagined! It can help you face fears and overcome them. It can help shy people feel empowered. It can give highly responsible people the freedom and relaxation of being led rather than followed. People get pleasure through giving it to others.
BDSM Play Ideas
All of the following routines, rituals, ideas and sex toys are utilised by BDSM-ers across the world:
- Orgasm withholding
- Figging (inserting ginger root into the anus while being caned)
The Safety Word
This is an essential part of BDSM play. Having a safety word which is immediately respected helps make these acts play… not torture with a sexual twist.
Your safety word can be anything you choose – though most people avoid using ‘No’ as their safety word, because moaning it adds to the realism of the role play…
Other Safety Practices
Once you start venturing into more fantastical scenarios and using more exotic sex toys, like swings, rubber balls and blindfolds, it is the dominant partner’s responsibility to ensure the safety of the submissive one.
Learn to keep an eye on the submissive partner’s breathing and their circulation – keep the lights on initially to watch for changes in colour.
Know your safety knots, so ropes and harness sex toys can be undone quickly and easily.
Talk about your BDSM play beforehand and what you hope to get out of all the restraining sex toys and practices. If you can’t talk about it, you aren’t ready to do it!